Saturday, November 9, 2013

Will You Miss It?

Suddenly, the conversation has changed lately from "how ya feeling?" to "are your bags packed yet?". I am just around the corner from what is considered full term, so it's no surprise the people in my life want to make sure I'm ready. The question that's taken me off guard recently is whether or not I'll miss it. Will I miss being pregnant?

You know, at first thought, everything in me says absolutely not. I am more uncomfortable everyday. The beginning was hard on me. I was sick for just over three months, and ended up losing weight before I gained any. The middle was great but short lived before I was diagnosed with sciatica. The end has been everything all pregnant women before me proclaimed- miserable, sleepless, and achy. Muscles ache that I didn't even know I owned. So, it would make sense that I wouldn't miss any of that. 

Yet, I find myself getting a little sad knowing the days of just the two of us are ending soon. That may seem selfish, because it is. Knowing she is snug and safe at all times brings me so much comfort during a rather uncomfortable time. I don't have to share her with anyone. I get to hold her always, and feel each and every movement she makes. It's helicopter parenting at its finest, and I know I will long for all of this when she's her own person, taking on the world. A world much bigger than mommy's belly. 

There are times in the early morning, when the rest of the house is quiet and sleeping, just the two of us lay awake together. Between the insomnia and countless bathroom visits, there are these moments when she's kicking and bouncing around, and I'm the only person she can talk to. I'm the only person that knows she's awake. I'm the only person that can care for her. I'm the only person she depends on. I know it's silly, but it slightly breaks my heart to know in a few short weeks, she will begin to realize just how true it is that mommy is not the only person. She'll soon realize life is big and exciting, and she will meet all sorts of people. Some who'll love her, some who'll hurt her, but all will teach her. I hope she remembers that little ol' mommy was her first friend and always her biggest fan, from the minute the pregnancy test showed two pink lines and life changed forever. 

So, I'm trying to embrace every pain, soak in every back trouble, and appreciate each pregnancy trial that comes my way. Because, when it comes down to it, this isn't forever. It's a short blip in my life that will soon be over. 

Hell yes, I'll miss this. 

1 comments :

Julia | Pawleys Island Posh said...

It's true. I miss being pregnant. I don't think I miss another newborn needing me around the clock, but I miss the amazing experience of being pregnant. It's funny, I don't miss my time when it was just Matthew and I at all. Our relationship certainly gets tested more and we have about a tenth of the time together that we had before. But it's SO MUCH better now. It's like the purpose of our lives is defined now and that's pretty awesome.

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